Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Sunday, August 22, 2010

just a thought


I have to share with you that this has been such a hard last several months. I know I have been pretty quiet here on the home front and apologize for my absence.

Back in April I lost my dad. .. it was such a very very difficult time. I really clammed up from it.
Dad died of a staph infection he had gotten after a very long bout of Cancer. I never got to see him cuz I was forbid to. That stung something fierce.
His wife wouldn't allow me to the hospital, the nursing home, hospice or anything.
When he died... she had him cremated right away and did not hold a funeral.

We are still in the midst of possibly going to Texas as we have not heard back from the company that is out of Alliance/Mt. Hope that Roger had applied for. He has not received a letter yet that it was filled so it is still up in the air. He checks periodically and nothing has been decided. Its been over 3 weeks now.

I do have to say that after having spent the past 3 months working for the Metro Housing authority and being one of the front desk receptionists taking applications, re-certification appointments, fingerprint schedules and the list goes on that I have been flooded with stories of folks being homeless,I am exhausted from the stories. My heart weighs heavy for these folks and though they do not know it, a prayer is sent up for each and every one of them. Most would say it is quite depressing or for some just callous to their needs. But I have been homeless in my life as well and I also know what it feels like not to have food in my cupboard and not knowing where I was going to get milk for my babies bottles. I know what it feels like to live in a homeless shelter and I know what it feels like to be not only abused by a spouse but by the system that was supposed to be helping me.
I lift up my prayers for the workers, the compassionate ones and for the ones that have gotten burned out on all the stories and have become callous to them so that they can continue to do the job.
Both sides of the fence need to have the understanding of the situation they both are going through. Being homeless or working to help someone else not be homeless. Hearing the stories or Living the story. We all need to be compassionate towards each others differences.

I had one of the clients tell me she was homeless with 1 little child, living out of the car. When I gave her the information packet on the shelters in the area she was rather nasty , lifting her voice and yelling. " You don't have a clue what its like to be homeless with kids, or not know when you are eating , or have clothes on your back. You don't know what it is like to be fearful of losing your children"
I just looked at her and said... with tears in my eyes...soft and passionately, " yes I do... I have been there with my youngest son, and my other children going to their dad while I spent 3 months in the shelter... oh yes.. I do know what it feels like to be penniless, food-less and homeless..!" She stopped... she looked at me with tears and said... "so how do you do it????"

I replied with a smile, "With a song in your heart and a whisper of a prayer and meals every day at the shelter! You just do it! And you thank your maker for everyday that you have and you find something good to thank him for... and you just do it again... everyday!"

She took the paper and gave a very small smile... while still crying... and me still crying... and I promised to pray for her!!!
MY heart weighs soooo heavy for them and for this young gal and ask that you too lift up a prayer.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Dad!

49+ years ago I met my dad! He was there when I first came into this world. He never let me forget that either.. ( I brought you into this world. I can take you out of it) OH what big words but oh how I loved to have my hand in his... Big.. warm.. secure but always gentle.
Dad is getting ready to leave this world and as I grew up I learned that the only father that can really take you out of this world is our heavenly father. I remember our trips to church and learning who our heavenly father was and all about his world, Heaven.
So God, our heavenly father... with all your strength, your big warm and secure hands that are ever so gentle... raise my daddy up to your world and don't let him kick and scream going out of this one. Just a small request from me.

I was just told recently by my sister that we are going to be granted some of the cremation ashes of our dad when he passes.. (Lord please don't let him suffer any longer and take him to be with you soon) and though having ashes just isn't my cup of tea, I shared that we really should dig a ditch and kick his "ash" in it.
OH he would be laughing now as you see... my Daddy was a Drainage Contractor and best known as a "Ditch Digger". YEP I Am a ditch diggers daughter, I worked right beside him for years, and proud of it!!! I seriously can feel him laughing... oh he has such humor!

A lot of commotion has happened in the past 20 years and regardless of what some folks have said... Dean England was my daddy, my hero.. one of the best friends I could ever have. I love him truly more then he will ever know.
He taught me what truth was, and taught me to be straight forward and no shooting from the hip! I became very much like him and that my friends has scared the bajeebies out of me I can tell you! Sometimes... it is best to just lay low, quiet and humble... I am learning!!!

Daddy is leaving soon and though I have not been permitted to see him in over 2 years, never ever has my love for him failed.I did not always like him but I do love him! I was his shadow in the fields, and he led me to love nature and all its seasons.
Spring has always been one of his favorite times. He loves the crispness of the cool spring mornings. He loves listening to the birds return and always pointed out the new babies in the field. A rabbit, a fawn, a calf. He loves the clouds, and he loved the smell of new turned soil.

Daddy may you soon return to the soil that you loved so well and to the skies that you were so fond of. I will follow you when it is my time and we will walk together in Eternity, and enjoy the smell of the soil together!

I love you as I have always loved you and that my dear father can never be taken away!!!

GOD SPEED~!

********************************************************************************